Family Calling
by S J Smith
Summary: Brandi has a new boyfriend. Mary is appalled. Pre-canon.


**Title:** Family Calling

**Author:** S J Smith

**Rating:** Teen

**Summary: **Brandi has a new boyfriend. Mary is appalled.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned any of this, I wouldn't be living in Boxtown.

* * *

"God _damn_ it." Mary glared at her personal cell phone before tossing it onto her desk. From the expression on her face, Marshall was pretty sure she was considering taking her gun and obliterating the phone as it buzzed its way across the blotter.

Marshall watched Mary, tapping his pen against his mouth. "Trouble in telephone land?"

The glare turned itself his way. Fortunately, Marshall was immune to ninety-seven percent of Mary's looks, especially when her anger wasn't really directed at him. Or so he hoped. "Brandi," Mary grated out.

"Ah." Marshall smirked, earning a wrinkled nose and bared teeth from Mary in response. "And what has your dear sister done this time?"

"God, it's more what hasn't she done." Mary flung herself back into her chair, tossing her hands in the air. "Is it too much to ask that she just…just…use her brain for once? I swear, there's nothing between her ears but empty space and this magnet for the worst loser men, not just in her city, but in the world. I didn't even know she knew how to spell computer, much less use the internet, and there she goes," she waved her hands in circles, "emailing some guy who swears he's an Egyptian prince."

Marshall's eyebrows shot up.

Somewhere between horrified and disbelieving, Mary nodded. "I know. I _know_!"

"You are aware that it's likely a scam."

"Of course I am, doofus!" Mary snarled. "But try convincing Brandi of that. Even warning her that this guy is likely to be Joe Schmoe from Muncie – if she's that lucky – isn't getting through! He's emailing her pictures of the pyramids and camels, and Brandi thinks it's actually from his camera!"

"So she's really in the land of de Nile, huh?"

Mary looked ready to spit fire over that one. "No puns! I don't need puns. I need my sister to grow a brain. Preferably before she decides she needs to meet this guy in person."

Spreading his hands, Marshall said, "Would it solve any of your problems if she did meet him?"

She actually seemed to be considering it, her brow furrowing; eyes narrowing; her fingers tapping on the desktop thoughtfully. "Gah! If _I_ was smart, I'd let Lawrence of Arabia have her. Good riddance!" She made a shooing motion, as if she was waving her sister out the door of the office.

"But?" Marshall could just hear Mary's "but" in there.

"But I'll be the one to have to rescue her, because she's an idiot. Why can't I have a normal family, anyway? Not Jinx and her little fuzzy dogs and Brandi and her," Mary rolled her eyes, "determined-to-be-bad-boys boyfriends? Does she think I'm a white knight, gonna ride in and save her ass, again? And again, and so on and so forth?"

"Technically, a female knight is a dame," Marshall offered.

The way her mouth tightened let Marshall know Mary had heard him, even if she continued talking as if he hadn't said a word. "Would it kill her to just find someone normal? Someone who could maybe open a door for her once in a while, and didn't steal all her money or get drunk and beat her?"

"Ah, family, it's the cross we all bear," Marshall said, rocking back in his chair.

"Yeah, well, I've been bearing Brandi since she was a little girl, and she hasn't ever gotten anything right. Gah!" Mary plumped her elbows on her desktop, digging her fingers into her hair. Puffing out her cheeks, she exhaled hard enough to make the papers on her desk flutter. Her cell phone buzzed again, rattling its way across her desk. The gimlet eye Mary gave it should have made it stop dead, and give up the ghost. Marshall pursed his lips as Mary snatched the telephone up and flipped it open. "What?" she snarled into it.

Marshall could just hear the tinny voice coming from somewhere out East, if he remembered correctly; not enough to make out any words, but some of the emotion bleeding through, regardless. Mary's eyes popped, her mouth opening as she listened. "No," she said sharply, "Squish, will you listen to yourself? This is not a good idea. The fact that you're calling me over it lets me _know_ you know it's not a good idea." She pointed at the receiver and mouthed, _She wants to meet the Egyptian prince!_ Marshall nodded and turned his pen in his fingers. "You know it, Brandi. This guy's a fraud! He's sending you postcard pictures or something. How do I know?" She rolled her eyes and Marshall shrugged in response. "I just know, Brandi! I read up on things like this, and how cons trick sweet innocent girls," Mary pretended to shove a finger down her mouth at that statement, "and little old ladies from Dubuque all the time." She slumped back into her chair, letting her head loll. "_Dubuque._ It's a city in Iowa. God, Squish, didn't you do any studying when you were in school?" Putting her forefinger to her temple, Mary mimed shooting herself and dying messily. Marshall coughed to keep from snickering.

Mary began rubbing her forehead. "Do you know it hurts me when you don't believe me, Squish? No, really, it does. I'm your big sister, and I've been around the block a few times, believe me. When I tell you that there is no chance of this guy being an Egyptian prince, you ought to believe me. Because I'm telling you the truth, Squish. This guy is bad news, worse news even than whatever the fuck his name was who using you to drive his drugs around town when you were in high school!" Mary spoke very slowly. "Because I found where he'd hidden them in your car, Squish, that's how I know what he was doing. You didn't know?" She slapped her hand on the blotter. "Mom even knew, Brandi! Why do you think she told you not to see him any more?"

Mary sighed, long and loud. "No, it wasn't because he was stealing food out of the fridge. God, Squish, he was sharing his pot with you, don't you remember that? Where do you think he was hiding it?"

A shadow in the other office caught Marshall's eye and he jerked his chin at Mary. When she looked his way, he rotated his finger in a, 'hurry it up' kind of way, tilting his head toward Stan's office. Mary nodded, saying, "Look, I have to get back to work. This guy isn't Egyptian. He's not a prince. You're not going anywhere with him. Capice? Good." She ended the call and dropped the cell on her desk, grabbing a file as Stan came out of his door.

"Oh, good, my two favorite agents," he said, smiling, "just where I need them. And Mary's finally off the phone to her sister, so she'll actually pay attention to me."

"I always pay attention to you, Stan!" Mary protested.

Marshall added, "Except when she doesn't." He ignored yet another Mary-style sneer sent his way.

"Be that as it may, I've got a new witness, and you two certainly don't look busy right now. So." Stan smiled beatifically and passed Marshall the file. "Get on it."

"Sure, Stan." Marshall wagged the file at Mary. Mary made a face. He considered tossing it at her, but that would just result in something far more drastic from her. But whatever the case, at least Mary would have something else to concentrate on for a few minutes, rather than Brandi and her most recent boyfriend. Of course, there were other ways of distracting Mary. "If you don't pick a fight with the witness, I'll take you out for apple pie afterward."

Mary brightened. "Apple pie? Really? Marshall, you really shouldn't have."

"I know, I know," Marshall said, "but remember, witness first."

A pout took over her entire body. "Do we have to?"

"It is how we earn our money."

"Yeah, yeah, but," she actually looked like she was considering kicking the door. "All right, witness first."

Marshall opened the door for her, letting her precede him outside, a small smile on his face. Sometimes, a little breath of sanity made it all worthwhile.

* * *

- _end_ -


End file.
